A History of Myself by Me - Part 1

I was born. That's how it happens. I am not a doctor - nor have I played one on T.V. though I did watch Doogie Howser and E.R. religiously - but I do know that, generally, the baby comes after the egg. And who says you have to climb a mountain and speak to a guru to find life's meanings? (Though ask me how Ricki Lake's talk show ever gained mainstream popularity and I will have to refer you to the aforementioned guru...)

I was born the child of Mel Gibson. Yes. I am the biological off-spring of a crazed quasi-Catholic Hollywood Mad Max. Instead of the life of privilege and development of a deep understanding the words "damage control" I would have been afforded as his child, I was stolen away by a team of fairies. I am still not sure why, but the older I get, the more I am coming to realize that the magic fairies were probably social workers. Regardless, they carried me to the home of Richard and Jeannie Horton, who took me in and raised me as their own. As an afterward, Mel Gibson subsequently starred in the movie "Ransom," which he unofficially dedicated to me.

Life was good. I grew smarter and more beautiful each and every day. One day, the evil Witch Brangelina attempted to kidnap me. But then they realized that England wasn't a third world country and returned me post haste. (Btw: I was born in the land of Bridget Jones and sheppard's pie.)

In the meantime, my parents were named to the diplomatic corp. They used their immunity to hunt down and water board Brangelina. Of course, I had been returned, but they still thought Brangelina could use some good, old fashioned torture nonetheless. It's a good thing that their Iron Maiden was lost in the move back to Oklahoma, because, otherwise, things could have gotten pretty ugly.

Things happened. I said some cute things, went to school, did other stuff. Yada yada. And that brings me to today. March 5, 2010. And now you know the rest of the story. Oh, and this one time I shoved a whole crayon up my nose and it came out of my ear. That is all.

As this is my first blog, I will keep it short. I am who I am and that is about all I will say in that regard. Take me, or leave me or take me to bed or leave me for ever - just don't ever put baby in a corner. Nobody puts baby in corner.

What do I like? Sunshine and rainbows and words that end in "y" as so many have been used to describe me personally (oooh, personally ends in y!!) such as "pretty," "flirty," "sexy," and "bitchy." I generally don't like run-on sentences, but I allow them for my own writings. Eat that 5th Grade English teacher!

What do I hope to accomplish through this blog? Well, I hope to have a creative outlet for any flow that remains post-law school stifle. I hope to change the world through my whimsical ponderings - hell, I just hope that someone reads this!! No wait. I hope no one ever reads this. Because then I couldn't say things like: Elephants are prettier than squirrels. I wish France would fall into the ocean (I really don't care which one). And NRA membership should be mandatory - if Charlton Heston parted the Red Sea and then re-united the waters, he can bring Americans together as well! And if you are reading this, then go ahead. Drink the Kool-Aid too. It's cherry. Hmmmmm. Cherry.

Basically, this is my forum to ponder and to express, as the name suggests. I hope to provoke, stimulate and shamelessly promote things I enjoy. "Go Beer!" Das ist das Deal. Come and hang with or not. If not, I will hunt you down. Just FYI.

Well, that is all. I have to study for the MPRE. Thanks. Drive through.