I was born. That's how it happens. I am not a doctor - nor have I played one on T.V. though I did watch Doogie Howser and E.R. religiously - but I do know that, generally, the baby comes after the egg. And who says you have to climb a mountain and speak to a guru to find life's meanings? (Though ask me how Ricki Lake's talk show ever gained mainstream popularity and I will have to refer you to the aforementioned guru...)
I was born the child of Mel Gibson. Yes. I am the biological off-spring of a crazed quasi-Catholic Hollywood Mad Max. Instead of the life of privilege and development of a deep understanding the words "damage control" I would have been afforded as his child, I was stolen away by a team of fairies. I am still not sure why, but the older I get, the more I am coming to realize that the magic fairies were probably social workers. Regardless, they carried me to the home of Richard and Jeannie Horton, who took me in and raised me as their own. As an afterward, Mel Gibson subsequently starred in the movie "Ransom," which he unofficially dedicated to me.
Life was good. I grew smarter and more beautiful each and every day. One day, the evil Witch Brangelina attempted to kidnap me. But then they realized that England wasn't a third world country and returned me post haste. (Btw: I was born in the land of Bridget Jones and sheppard's pie.)
In the meantime, my parents were named to the diplomatic corp. They used their immunity to hunt down and water board Brangelina. Of course, I had been returned, but they still thought Brangelina could use some good, old fashioned torture nonetheless. It's a good thing that their Iron Maiden was lost in the move back to Oklahoma, because, otherwise, things could have gotten pretty ugly.
Things happened. I said some cute things, went to school, did other stuff. Yada yada. And that brings me to today. March 5, 2010. And now you know the rest of the story. Oh, and this one time I shoved a whole crayon up my nose and it came out of my ear. That is all.
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