Fe fi fo fum. Job searching is no fun!!

I am CENSORED years old, a graduate of TWO (not ONE) BUT TWO (that is more) national universities with B.A.s in German and Political Science and a J.D. I speak fluent German and English, I have lived in four countries and have dual citizenship, etc. etc. Basically, I am pretty awesome.

The trouble is, I am all these things and I can't find a job to save my life or my credit score. I could blame the recession. I could blame the current administration for not curbing this recession. I could even blame my universities for drawing me to them with such statistics as "99.9% of our graduates have found employment within 6 months of graduation." Who knew I would be the .1% who hasn't. Tis a cross I bear and my arms hurt. Simon, think you'd take it up for a bit while I grab a drink or 20?

No, I am not going to fall into the blame/pessimistic/reality trap! There's always the lottery. Besides, who has time for sulking. I have a job to find and an unemployment benefits application to fill out.

If I am going to blame anyone, I will have much more success in blaming the elephants. Yes, that's right. I am going to blame elephants. Those large, gray trunk-bearing beasts are the cause of my current misery. They waltz around Africa or the Zoo or the Circus with their big ears and bad memories and forget (hence the memory-lapse) that the rest of us are suffering in this current economic climate. They are so smug. Those of them who are productive members of society (quote-unquote) have set a horrible precedent: They work for peanuts. Big business has caught on to their scheme. What this means is that prospective employers won't hire anyone who has the audacity to demand recompense in any monetary form. "What's good enough for the elephants..." They always say.

Well, you know what I have to say to that: YOU TRY DEPOSITING PEANUTS INTO THE ATM AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS!! You try paying your car payment or calling your credit card company and offering, in lieu of the minimum payment, 200 of the finest peanuts the Ringling Brothers has to offer. Quatsch. Bologna.

Peanuts. Stupid elephants. You are smelly and your pregnancies last 22 months. You've ruined my life.