Dear Ms. Lohan,
I see you have bested the legal system again and were released after 15 hours. I think I spent more time than that thinking of all the wonderful uses and designs for shanks. I had some I was going to share with you, but I suppose there is no need. I even developed the soon to be patented Ex-Hollywood Starlet Shank made from the blood, sweat and tears of a soiled career and an onion. I chose the onion because it smells like failure.
Alas. My hard work down the drain - much like your contract for the Linda Lovelace flick. C'est la vie. That's how upset I am. I am speaking in tongues - and FRENCH no less.
Well, at a minimum I hope those 15 hours were well spent and very formative. And I hope you forego any trips to Cannes before the big court date this go around...$300K is a lot of dough to drop for failing to appear. And, to be honest, you'll probably need the cash in the future.
-Pokey
she is soooo gonna end up in a van down by the river.
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