The Top 5 Top 3 Things About Wine

1. Top 3 Benefits of Drinking Wine:

1.) Wine won't get jealous if I decide to spend an evening with my other friends, beer and liquor.
3.) It makes me love everyone, even people I would generally avoid in social situations.
3.) Wine is much cheaper than therapy.

2. Top 3 Most Horrific Thoughts Upon Waking After A Night Of Wine Drinking:

1.) Where am I and who is this next to me?
2.) Did I really get into a bar fight with the entire cast of Broadway Series South’s Spamalot?
3.) Oh. My. God. I totally forgot to close out my tab and retrieve my credit card before I left the bar last night.

3. Top 3 Songs you should never sing karaoke to when you’ve drunk too much wine:

1.) “Dream On” by Aerosmith: Your falsetto is NOT made better by alcohol. And seeing how many people’s glasses will break in their hands is NOT a fun drinking game.
2.) Anything by Enya: Who can say whadywhattaday…does your hemphafango awizzwah. Seriously. Who knows the words sober?
3.) “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston: Um yeah, no explanation necessary with this one. We’ve all seen people do it and we have all felt very, very embarrassed for them.

4. Top 3 Signs You’ve Had Enough Wine for the Evening:

1.) You’ve drunk-dialed/texted everyone in your contact list, “Jez to say helllllllo.”
2.) You are convinced that you are the sexiest/funniest/most intelligent/most insightful person and best dancer in the room, who’s had the hardest life imaginable and you know everyone needs to hear about each and every minute of it.
3.) It’s 1:00 am on a work night and the bottle is empty, which makes you cry.

5. Top 3 Reasons Wine Can Lead to World Peace:

1.) When’s the last time Vatican City invaded anyone?
2.) Jesus kicked off his miracles by turning water into wine, which, right there, says enough.
3.) Two words: The French. Their army, I’ve heard, could be great in the initial strike but won’t last past noon when they set out a picnic lunch, open a few bottles of wine and eventually forget why they are there in the first place.

Now where's my Merlot and my snuggly?

-Pokey